Yesterday, I was given an ISO file to read... I read it from the moment I step into office, until the time when I leave office... It's a very deadly poison for me.... I'm 3/4 dead...
I did give myself some interval of breaks.... hehe!! When around 4pm, Mr Bin gave me a person's blog to read... http://caiweii.blogspot.com.... It's quite sad when reading through it... What the girl had blogged on, really reflects deep down into my heart that, I had to cherish the people around me... Don't wait till we lose them... And it's proven that, don't read sad stuff in office... Ppl will thought that u cry and give u that kind of sympathy look... haha!!!
Went for dinner in Sakae Teppanyaki... haha! For the first time in Munk's life, he claimed that yesterday was the 1st time that he felt full but I still hungry... The portion given to us is the same!!! Haha!!! After dinner, we proceed on to TCC for some "after-meal-treat"... International Building had a new 24 hours outlet... But, that TCC does not give me the feeling of a 24 hours cafe... Some of the cakes I like were OOS... And, I tot 24 hours cafe should have more stock??? hahaha!!!
This few days, somehow, had some small arguments with him... Partly also becuz I can't control my emotion and also, my tolerance level is at its lowest point this period of time.... So, he kena... And, this was the first time...
Everytime when I voice out what I'm upset about, he explained to me and give me more assurance... I know he cares and is serious about this relationship... And so do I...
I'm glad to have him in my life now... Although I can't be so sure now that he will be the one whom will follow me down the rest of my life... But for now, I feels that, he might be...
Given that we had alot of barriers that will affect our relationship in the near future, I will still try my best... Becuz, I'm happy to have him by my side... This feeling of happiness, is really, the first time in my life, that I had felt it... And, I still do...
Dear J,
Thanks for bringing me this happiness and joy......
I love being with you and have u by my side...
Fenz
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Life is Unpredictable..
Monday, July 28, 2008
Attached but Available???
Somehow, this statement, is a very common sight in this world now....
Especially players, even though they are attached, they open themselves to others and still accepting more "offers"... When one that seems better than their current partner, they will switch to the better one...
But not only players, for a normal person, they also have this mindset... Is just that, they didn't explicitly say it out... This kind of people are more scary... They don't want anyone to think that they are not serious about relationship... Hence, they "secretly" look out for better partner and do their selection...
This leads to another statement of "having a lifebuoy is better than having nothing..."
Why would some people choose to be attached even though they feels that they are still eligible to look out for a better partner? That is becuz, before they can find someone better, they still have a spare one with them... In the end, if they couldn't find or even being accepted by "better one", they still have a spare one which is still beside them...
Someone said, "although i'm attached, but, I still haven't sign anything... So, why am I not eligible to look out for better one?"
After listening to this, makes me feels that, relationship is just a very vulnerable thing... It's as if wrap with rice paper... Once poke with a wet finger, or even put in a humid environment, it will damage... This sentence also let me felt more firm on my thoughts that, even marriage don't mean anything nor does it give u a sense of security...
Even if you signed on a Marriage Certificate, you can also sign on a Divorce Certificate...
It is difficult find the right person for you to spend the rest of your life...
Even if at this moment, you feels that, "YAP.. HE/SHE IS THE ONE!"... That might just be a false alarm...
You won't know how he/she is thinking and does he/she has the mentality that, he/she is attached to you, but still available to others....
Personally, I felt that, we should be careful towards people, even they are your partners....
They are the most prominent person to hurt you deep down into your heart, especially when you are unaware of.... You might think that he/she is the right one for now, but he/she might not think the same way (even he/she said so... Might just be lying.... Who knows?!).....
This had make this world lack of "TRUE LOVE"....
With all the awareness and guard, who will actually dare to open up their heart and truely love another person???
What had we all done to ourselves???
Do we really need to hurt so many people in order to find our "real" partners??
Or are we just looking for a "perfect partner" instead of the one we love most???
For those who are attached but have the mentality that they are still available, just be aware that, you might end up having nothing....
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Mini Love Stories
Found afew short stories in a forum... And, find that it's nice... Share with u guys....
Story #1
Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others......, including Love.
One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean.
So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave.
Love was the only one that stayed.
She wanted to preserve the island until the last possible moment.
When the island was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave.
She began looking for someone to ask for help.
Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat.
Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, "I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you."
Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." I can't help you", Vanity said, "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat."
Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now."
Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, "Happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him.
Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder.
Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way.
Love realized how much she owed the elder.
Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?"
"It was Time", Knowledge answered. "
But why did Time help me when no one else would?", Love asked.
Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered,
"Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."
I love the last sentence... And it's true that, only time is capable of understanding Love.... Everything depends on time....
Story #2
Once there was a blind boy.
He fall in love with a girl.
One day girl asked him ..." Will you marry me?"
He said ..." Yes i will, but when i shall be able to see you."
After some days someone donated him eyes.
He was very happy to see his love.
But when he saw that girl was also blind.
He refuse to merry her.
Before leaving,the girl said ...
"As you wish my dear But i want to say only one thing. Please Take Care Of My Eyes..."
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Should be awake by now....
Yap... Suddenly realised.... I should be awake...
Even if someone you trust most said something....
Still listen with doubts....
Normally, is the person you think you can trust that hurt you the most....
I shouldn't been putting so much of my feelings in.....
In the end, the person who will be hurt, will be me....
Sad to say, but, I must learn to protect myself....
I can't depend on anyone to protect me and prevent me from getting hurt....
Monday, July 21, 2008
Weekends consider Good, or Bad?
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Wires Mess Up!
This time round, I think I’m really crazy… Really really crazy….!!!
What had I done yesterday?!?!?!?!
gOsh!!! Where the heck does that courage comes from?!?!?!
Oh gosh oh gosh….
When we were strolling after dinner, I told him that, even we only knew each other not for long, and got together for afew days only, I like him more and more everyday….
I’m really crazy le….
CRAZY FENZ!!!
But after saying, the courage went off immediately… Super duper shy after that… I could feel my face blush to max!
Another happy day since 12th July 2008…
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Ahemmm.... My Wrong....
First of all.... Message to specific people:
Fat Munk: I know why I shouldn't be detailed... But, can't helped but noted down all the happy things that I had with him and uncontrollably posted on my blog.... And, I know I need to have more confident.... But, it is easier to be said than done.... I will try...
Mr Potato: You are a lame one!!!! Hehehe!!! But, Bon Voyage ya! Buy some food for me to eat when school reopens... hehe! Let's have picnic at the back of the lecture theatre... hOhoho!!!
Sinz: Thanks for your support ya! hehe! But, I think I gonna try writing my blOg in less details... Cuz got someone spying my blOg and gO around teLLing others whom I don't want those ppl to know... Defeat my purpose of not telling those ppl my blOg address... But, it's not MS peEpz... No worries ya! =)
So, let me recall... Monday what had I done... Nothing interesting... Just went for tuition and had alot of food... hahaha!! Ya... And went to bought 2 pairs of shoes to replace those that had been stolen by thief... Funny... The person who stole my shoes, I think they love my natural foot aroma thrapy... haha!
As for yesterday, went to watch Hell Boy 2 with yvonne... On my way towards Wdl, he was with me in the train... I was feeling down at that moment becuz I had received a call and knew that someone betrayed my trust... While waiting for her arrival, he accompanied me to walk around CWP... Although just an hour walk with no direction, I felt ... the feelings is not able to be replace just by the word "happy"... The unhappiness that I had when i'm in the train, slowly disappear with him just being beside me. My sad face slowly being replaced by smile... He didn't do anything nor say anything on purpose to make me smile... His presence is more than enough... Action speaks louder than words... And he had proved to me he cares...
Today is the 5th day we got together... I'm happy and I believe in, SIMPLE BUT NICE....
Just somehow feels that, I'm not really good for him.... Argh... Where's my confidence?
Frankly speaking, I'm not those healthy girl whom can really give him a long promise future...
Too many tiny little illness that makes me felt so weak... I hate that feeling of weakness...
I felt as if I am and I will become a burden to him...
The happier we got, the more worries I had....
What if 1 day, I am gone...? I felt as if I had made him fall for me, yet I leave him half way...
From this point onwards, gonna eat healthier... Take note of the following:
1) EAT LESSER CHILLI *Gastric worsen*
2) EAT LESSER SPICY FOOD *gastric worsen lor....*
3) THINK LESSER *Migraine mah...*
4) EAT MORE CONFIDENT PILLS *haiz... hope they do have this kind of pills*
Think that's it for the time being.... haha!!!
Back to the movie... Hell Boy was not a bad movie... Quite funny in some ways...
Oh ya... BEfore the movie, me and yvonne went to Lerk Thai Wdl.... My advice to you guys is, if you love yourself, don't go and eat there.... Although I'm a die-hard fan of Lerk Thai MS, not for WDL... It sucks...! Really SUCKS!!!! Food not nice plus some of the food is abit spoilt.... Yucks! Made me went toilet 4 times.... awwww... gAstric pain for the whole night yesterday up till now...
Lastly, just to say....
Monday, July 14, 2008
My Weekends....
Talk about my Sunday...!
Sleep quite well until I overslept for tuition... haha!!! But in between my sleep, my uncle smsed voice msges over and made me laugh... he said his aim now is to feed me fat... haha!!!
After that, I received his sms asking if wanna go out after my tuition... Of cuz wan lah!!!! Our first official date since we got together lor...!!! I tot that only must wait till wednesday then we can have our first day.... hehe!!!
When saw him at CCK platform, hehe! I shy lah... hehe!!! Had some casual talk... Same as before we got together.... So, bla bla bla... Until when we were walking half way in Central, the difference came... As we pass by an escalator, he hold my hand... hehe! I lied to him that I don't remember when we started holding hands... cuz, I'M SHY lah!!!! =P
After walking for awhile in Central, we walked into a Jap restaurant and had some desert... Eating through half way, he suddenly asked me if I can be his gf... I was like giving the "HUH?? I thought that I already agreed the day before???? " look...
He explained that it's more sincere to say that face to face rather than through phone... And from this incident, I can sense his sincerity... And I feels that, he is a guy whom will try not to let me down.... At that point of time, I don't know how to answer to his question as I was too shocked plus to shy to actually answer him... Instead, I kept on cleaning the table with the wet tissue... tOo nervous le la... haha!!!! *Blush blush blush*
I did accepted his "offer" after blushing... hehe!!! And the fact is... yAp... We are together...!
sO, for the rest of the day, just walk and walk and enjoy each other's company lor...
After walking from Clarke Quay to Mr Merlion... And from Mr Merlion to Esplanade, and down to Cityhall MRT Station, was about time to go home...
I reached home around midnight and when I was about to start doing my report after bathing, my 5th uncle came with durians!!!!! Eat until I pengsan..!! Ok... he is not the main story in my blog now... haha!!! SKIPPED!!!
SO, after doing my report, we had a talk on the phone.... till near 3am...
Expectation of each others... He is not the type of possessive guys.... Neither do I wan to become one of that kind of possessive girls... Frankly speaking, I am quite possessive in the past... But, I believe that, he has his own life, me too! I cannot occupy his time too much... He should also has his freedom... And his own friends...
But the truth is, I don't wan to stick to him, be dependent on him, not becuz I don't really care... In fact, I do care alot!!!! If i can choose, I will choose to stick to him like malted candy, depend on him like a koala bear... But, NO!!!! I cannot do that...
What if 1 day, we loses each other? I will be hopeless once again... I will lose my directions and I will become a handicapped...
Frankly speaking, I still do not have the courage to believe in true love... I'm afraid that happiness are just like what I believed in...
*Beautiful but not long lasting*
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Ermmmmm... Status Quo...
wOw... Time flies... Internship is coming to an end for most of you. 19th July 2008.
As for me, I had extended it, sO, will be till 31st July 2008.
I quite like working here if I am given the opportunity to do the things I liked...
Anyway, I at first thought that yesterday he might pop out the question... But, he didn't....
Despite me doing so much preparation and thinking whether to tell him the truth or not, he didn't ask... So I didn't say... Maybe, is considered as 1 sided from me ba... haha!!!
I think too much... =P
Nvm... Life goes on...
Now in office, my shifu went overseas... From yesterday, till tomorrow...
This period of time, I'm in idle mode... I miss my shifu!!! FASTER COME BACK!!!!
Orelse, I will become stone soon...!!!!!
I wan to get out of this office!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO DO SOMETHING THAT ARE NOT SITTING IN OFFICE KIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now my eye lids felt so heavy.... Dropped down several times, making my brain auto shutdown almost every moment... haha!!!!
And JAS HO!!!! U TAG ME FOR WHAT?!?!!?!! Machiam chain letter sia... hahahaha~!!!!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Personal Test
After viewing Yingz's blog, I got the website for the personal test and I did that...
Below is the conclusion:
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:
You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.
What type of personality do you have?
Bright and Cheerful:
You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.
You value your friendships: 75%
You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.
The correctness of the above results is for you to find out whether is it true or not...
But I knew that, there is one person who definitely know it....
You know who you are... =)
For Couples: Love and Your Sweetheart
Monday, July 7, 2008
Should I be Happy? Or should I feels SAD?
As time goes by, the feelings towards him gets stronger…
Sadness and joy shown on my face become more and more obvious…
Up till now, the only sadness that I had due to him is that, I don’t know how he feels… I’m afraid that he doesn’t feel the same as I did… That’s the only sadness at this point of time.
Since Friday night, I think I’m flooded with joy…
We had very long conversation on phone for that night…
Talking about own opinions and thoughts… A good way of understanding each other more…
As for sat, we were basically sms-ing each other from evening onwards till the moment I got into theatre for a movie.
And yesterday, which is a Sunday, on and off, we did chat on phone… And at night, was a longer conversation.
Hmmmm… I kind of like talking to him… Although, some words and some things is not convenient to talk about, such as my feelings towards him, we still had quite a nice conversation… A good way of communication…
But, yesterday he said something about his feelings on some issues… And, it did affect me… But, nah… Don’t intend to expose that in my blog, neither to anyone else as that issue is super personal…. =) After he told me his thoughts about that issue, my heart felt so hurt… He said it in a general way, and he doesn’t know that that issue applies to me… I also didn’t tell him about it… So, when he voicing out his own opinion, my heart is weeping silently…
Although things can be so wonderful now, but, some things that happened in the past cannot be changed… And those things will or might become a barrier for me to goes on further.
For now, what I can say is, the problem lies with me. I had no confidence… Too many things I hate about myself, and I knew that if he knows about it, he will dislike me too…
I know that, if want to be together, first thing of all is, NO LIES….
But, how to tell him about it? I don’t dare to…
Quite of funny here… Tell him, I might lose him… Don’t tell him, I will lose him in future when he found out about it….
I think I got to give the feelings I had for him a 2nd thought… I don’t think I worth the love from anyone….
Why won’t people understand? I might look happy but, I’m not….
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Magnets....
Yesterday went to eastward with him.... Was quite an enjoyable night I can say... We spent time together... Although didn't talk much during the 2 hours... But, the smile, laughter and eye contact is more than enough to express ourselves... Or maybe, I should say that, at least I'm enjoying his company... Sweet in my heart...
As for today, went to watch It's A Boy Girl Thing... Personally, I felt that, it's a nice show!!! Simple but nice... Things need not be complex in order to be appreciated by me... I just love simple... 简单爱... But, Mr Potato said tat this show still ok nia.. Cuz it's too common... Well.. Wat I can say is, WHAT DO U EXPECT?!?!?! =P
On my way home, he smsed me... Somehow in his sms, I can sense that he is not in the right mood... And finally, I asked him... And he praised me for my good sense... But, pushing me away by saying "It's ok I'm fine, thanks"....
The impact was as if me and him are both North-poles... That pushed me away, HARD.... Sad to say, but I'm abit hurt... I felt that, he don't feels like talking to me how he feels... Or maybe, right now, 我不是他的哪儿根葱，哪儿根草... He don't find it appropriate to tell me his personal stuffs? But, that's not all... His following few smses contains too many "thanks".... Each "thanks" seems like pushing me further and further away... It's as if his magnetic field is getting stronger and stronger, pushing me this North-pole further and further away with his strong North-pole force!
Seems like, from the start of this "love-ship", I had been assuming that he is a North-pole, and I'm definitely a South-pole....
Maybe, like someone said... I always like to plan and want everything to goes well according to my plan.... But, frankly speaking, I didn't plan anything... BUT, maybe, my subconscious did? I'm not sure... Nothing much can be done now...
我们是无所不谈的 1.朋友 2.知己 or 3.恋人-to-be ???
I'm in doubt with this 我们无所不谈.... I need his answer for the above...! 1, 2 or 3?
同样的一场日落, 同样你还是没说...
你用一万个理由, 都比沉默还温柔...
为什么爱我又不断退后
你害怕的是什么? 你想要的是什么?
站在你背后, 我连呼吸都痛....
我要相信你是爱我的...
我要相信你是勇敢的...
我烦时间是最残酷的...
我怎么等...?
我要相信你是爱我的...
不要当我每次唱情歌, 眼里总有太多泪不停拉扯...
我用一万个答案, 释我们的距离...
到最后发现我全都猜错...
你害怕的是什么? 你想要的是什么?
站在你背后, 我连呼吸都痛...
